Opening up to people is so difficult and I wonder why I always end up pushing questions about myself away when I want to find out more about the other party as well. When will someone ever be 'close enough'? I can't get back to sleep because I'm too bothered but I've written everything in my diary so it's okay.

There are people you know you can relate to but you know you just can't. Probably because they don't even know you understand. I'm just unable to let them know I DO understand their words.

I don't know if I should feel ashamed for having too many views - I sometimes do. (why?) I have so much such that there isn't even time for my brain to filter what can be seen by others and what cannot.

Today I asked myself why I even have to filter them out. Why am I afraid of conflict when people say I sound like I'm heated up anyway? Perhaps the reason I don't speak is that I'm afraid I'll sound too heated up in an argument. The more I try to avoid it, the more I can't be myself in front of others. When I'm the one who hates the act of putting up a front the most.


I feel alive when I can think in the wee hours of the morning.